If you or someone you know struggles to express themselves verbally because of stutter [stammer] but still seeks for freedom of self-expression without techniques, tricks or magic pills. My Channel is for you.
🗣Last 2 years, many Messages have been coming my way from PWS’s of different ages, nationalities, as well as parents whose children stutter. Questions are often very similar, almost identical. So, I decided to Start a Channel to provide my answers to you all.
For one and for all! 💕
Looking forward to e-meeting you all soon!
Thanks for your support. This project wouldn’t be realised without you!
“Would it be easier for everyone if society just didn’t see stammering as something bad?”
“The cure for stuttering is acceptance. Acceptance from the wider society that people who stutter, are just people who stutter. This is how they speak; this is how they are….”
“It’s time for society to accept me for who I really am, a person who stammers”
In this article, I discuss acceptance of stuttering in the wider society.
When I read such comments on how unwelcoming, how discriminative and unfair society is, it saddens me. Because as I a former PWS, I spot the core causes that keep stuttering going from miles away. They stare me right in the face.
There are several issues here: not understanding what stuttering is, not knowing thyself, lack of self-acceptance and respect, comparisons to better fluent speakers, feelings of inferiority. Attempts to hold society responsible for how one feels about themselves. I see exasperation and childish immaturity.
Hey, people! Things don’t work like that in life. You cannot just come in, stomp afoot, and get what you want! Not now, not ever!
Okay, you stutter. Should non-stutterers now carry you in their arms? Sorry to break this to you, but it will not happen. You will not get any acceptance. Why? You do not deserve it because you fail to accept yourself. You despise yourself. Feel uncomfortable in your skin. Insecure because you stammer. YOU SEE STAMMERING AS A BAD THING. NOT THEM.
All you have learned to do well is demand and take offense. This manipulative immature behavior. Adults do not act like that. Adults take charge of their lives and feelings.
SOCIETY ISN’T OBLIGATED TO ACCEPT YOU
No amount of societal acceptance makes a person happier and their life more satisfying unless they learn to value and accept themselves first.
There is no obligation on the wider society to accept anybody. Political correctness is all there is. Acceptance, on the other hand, is a personal choice of each individual in a given society. Everybody is entitled to their won views and opinions. If they don’t physically harm or bully you, it is their right not to accept or love you. Maybe they do not see stuttering as a serious problem. People [society] have their own life to care about. You and your stutter are the least of their concern. They don’t sit around expecting to bump into a representative of some “stuttering minority”. They just live on. Many are unaware of what stuttering is.
LIFE IS A MIRROR.
Society is a mirror. It reflects your mental attitudes you hold in your mind. There is nothing but a reflection. And, if you live in inner disagreement with who you are, with the way you speak, people treat you accordingly. To charge the reflection, change the image. Your feelings and attitudes to yourself first.
Learn to accept, value, and love yourself. Not when your speech improves, when you pull a girl of your dreams, not when you find a better job, have more money butNOW! UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.
Demands of acceptance from society will only lead to further misunderstanding and steer conflict. Making your encounters inadequate reactions, ignorance, rudeness, and intolerance more frequent. People subliminally pick up how you feel and transmit it back to you. No offense, but it starts with you!
SOCIETY IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF
Stop being a victim! The quality of your life should not depend on the opinions of other people. Who cares what they think? It’s your life and your opinion and attitudes towards yourself matter.
Stop seeking validation of “normality” in the eyes of total strangers. It is almost as if you ask, “Am I respectful? Will you love me? Am I normal?”. This is a direct way of being disappointed as the world is indifferent. People are too preoccupied with their hang-ups. Too selfish to care.
They might glance at you for a few fleeting seconds. And then you cease to exist as they dive right back into the world of their own. Whilst you stand there dissecting the situation, waiting for total strangers to grant you permission to feel happy and enjoy life. “Am I good enough? Will you accept me? Please”. You are like a beggar. How degrading. Stop holding society responsible for how you feel about yourself. Do you want acceptance? ACCEPT YOURSELF. EMBRACE WHO YOU ARE. BE AT PEACE.
BE YOUR BEST FRIEND
Stutters are good at self-depreciation. Masterful self-lashers! With low self-esteem and zero self-confidence. They are constantly in doubt as they compare themselves with fluent speakers.
Stutterers judge their worth by how well they speak. They need a confidence shoot, the social validation they seek in wider society. You appoint total strangers, call-center operators, hotel clerks, colleagues, and passer-byes, as your “validators”.
When people nicely (as PWS’s expect), PWS’s feel the rush of confidence, the euphoria. They are riding high. But it does not last. When somebody out of ignorance, does not react as PWS expect i.e. hangs up the phone, interrupts, finishes a sentence, etc., PWS’s confidence crashes down and evaporates. Self-lashing and feelings of usefulness ensue.
“I am worthless. That guy whispered; he must have been talking about me. I am a second-class citizen.” They giggled. Must have been laughing about me. What a laughingstock I am”.
A stutterer either becomes bitterly disappointed and shuts the door on the World completely or falls a victim of circumstances. Turns into a doormat for use and abuse. Both positions expose you as a victim.
A junkie who gets high on good opinions of others and suffers when denied. You have no control over your life or your feeling and emotions. Society is in charge of how you feel and live life.
You have worth. Intrinsic worth nobody can take away. The kind of worth that does not depend on appearances, gender, complexion, social status, amounts of money on accounts, absence, or presence of speech disfluencies. YOU HAVE WORTH! It cannot be taken away or diminish. ONLY YOU CAN with debilitating mental attitudes and ignorance towards yourself. DON’T BLAME SOCIETY. BECOME YOUR BEST FRIEND!
“Many people are more concerned with their external conditions and neglect the inner attitude of mind. Mental attitude is more important than external conditions”
Let be honest. Ignorance exists. Many do not know what stuttering is. Educate people. Become an ambassador. Tell about the challenge you face but without demanding acceptance and love. Help people see stuttering as a valid problem. Most people are naturally empathic and understanding. They will appreciate your sharing knowledge. Praise you for bravery and determination to overcome stuttering.
THE MAGIC MOMENT WHEN SOCIETAL OPINION NO LONGER MATTERS
When you begin to see your strong sides and learn to appreciate yourself, the opinion of others will no longer bother you. Your life becomes so fulfilling and enjoyable, you forget to notice the reactions of others. Total disinterest is what you fell as life takes over. If you viewed society as judgemental and discriminative, you may notice that, is not. People, in the majority, are understanding and compassionate.
Some evil people take pleasure in hurting others on purpose, of course, but I believe these types are few and far between.
I talk from personal empirical experience. It took to fully realize and internalize all the notions above. When I demanded love and appreciation, I received nothing. Life beat me hard. People, even those I was close to, turned backs on me. I did not respect me, and all because I did not respect, dislike myself.
My relationship with society transformed beyond belief only when I stopped begging for acceptance, seeking pity, and seeking validation. People started to seek my company and advice, praise me. All I did was stopped demanding acceptance and approval.
I no longer needed it because I knew who I was and appreciated myself.
LAW OF ATTRACTION IN ACTION.
You want people to be okay with stuttering? – be okay with your stuttering!
You want people to accept you for who you are ? – accept and embrace who you are!
Want love? – love yourself!
Acceptance?– accept yourself!
Respect? – respect yourself!
These are conditions you MUST meet if you want to be accepted and appreciated. If you fail to do that, nothing will change. You will only encounter more ignorance, discrimination, and misunderstanding.
Reading this article is not enough. Internalize what you learned. Live by it.
Do not hold society responsible for how you feel about yourself. Change, evolve and wider society will follow suit. Unless you change, nothing changes.
Acceptance and appreciation will come in abundance. Get ready to be astounded!
Olga Bednarski – the independent stuttering expert
Hello and thank you for visiting. I hope my blog is for you.
My name is Olga, a former stutterer (PWS) turned an independent researcher. I devoted 7 years of my life to defining and understanding stuttering.
I am a Speech & Language therapist, and thank God. Thanks to this, I have a clearer view on the problem. Unobstructed by past theories and classic notions formulated 30 years ago. I went on to develop the unique outlook on stammering and found the key to eliminating. For good!
I was unsatisfied with the progress I made on speech therapy. The approach did make my stuttering less prominent, but my speech sounded unnatural and stilted. No matter how thoroughly I followed the technique; my mind was still riddled with anxiety. I blocked frequently. Even in desensitized situations, where people knew I stuttered.
The technique did not just control my stutter, it controlled me. It blocked my personality, preventing me from expressing myself the way I wanted. Constantly policing my breathing, body language, word choice, etc. I felt locked inside a tiny room. It was hard to breathe.
No technique would give me that unconditional freedom. Limitless self-expression. I realized that techniques only mask the problem. Drive stuttering deeper into the psyche but do not solve it. It is self-deceit.
So, I left all control tools behind and embarked on the journey. Solo. I was told that if I drop control my stuttering would return in no time, and I’d be back in «the stuttering hell». But speech only got better and better.
I stuttered for 15 years. Since 13. The sudden disfluency came as a shock to me and my family. I had never had speech problems nor shown signs of hesitation. As a child, I was a vivacious and beautifully fluent. My parents were perfectly fluent, so were my grandparents. No history of anyone stammering in my family.
All changed when I entered puberty. I became acutely receptive and sensitive to everything that was going on around me. Hesitation gradually turned into speech interruptions. Mild, at first. Then occasional blocking occurred. Become more frequent, until one day I froze unable to utter a sound.
My classmates laughed, and I felt humiliated. My educators laughed too. They did not know what stammering was and thought I was just pulling their leg.
From this point on, I began to fear of speaking. To save myself from further public ridicule, I devised a set of tricks, excuses, and false – behaviors. Anything from pretending I was mute to pulling sickies. Anything just to avoid social interactions.
Over the years, tricks morphed into what was now my fake personality. The authentic me has been pushed aside and clouded over. Almost invisible. Only an undistinguishable shadow of it remained.
I was a fake. My life was fake.
What I discovered surpassed all expectations.
Not only did I restore the beautiful fluency I enjoyed as a child, but I found something more important. Hidden within laid a chest of priceless treasures. The determination of steel, intelligence, empathy, ability to see ordinary things in new lights. The abilities and potential, I never knew I possessed. And, how could I notice my strengths? If all I did was lashing and comparing myself to “better” others. Feeling undeserving and inferior.
I was blind-folded. Living in complete darkness of false beliefs and lies said about me by other people which I gullibly believed.
I transformed beyond recognition. Masks were removed, vision cleared. Reunited with the real me, I shone. Floated on air. Happy!
The brave souls: Empirical field research
Over the years, I have met 283 people who stutter. I analyzed their accounts, interviewed, and observed them.
This blog draws on real accounts, empirical findings, and my extensive personal experience. It will help you understand your psychology, the algorithm of stuttering, identify your version of the problem, and finally find the most effective ways of dissolving blocks.
Without control. Medication. In practice.
If that is what you seek, and:
You had failed attempts at therapy and/or not happy with the outcome
Don’t agree stuttering is a sentence or a disability
Wish to restore natural fluency without the use of control or tricks
Ready to consider unconventional views and approach
Know you can fully recover but do not know HOW
This is not a new theory. The time of theorizing is over. Everything you learn from my blog is based on extensive empirical experience.
If you know you can recover fully, but do not know exactly how this blog is for you?
My blog is NOT FOR YOU if:
You adhere to conventional views on stuttering.
Believe stuttering is a disability or an incurable disease.
Believe you cannot loose stuttering, only control it
Blame society for your misfortune i.e. parents etc.
Comfortable with your stuttering, and do not wish to change a thing.